While conflict is inevitable, it does not necessarily need to be unproductive. If I begin with the proposition that what I see is my perception of truth and what someone else sees is their perception of truth, then we have the chance to become curious about each other’s perceptions. On the other hand, if I do not have this curiosity towards the other and, furthermore, lack respect for the other, then I will just continue to push my own view. Most people have experienced arguments and conflicts that go around in circles without any resolution, sometimes with people getting louder and more intense. It cannot lead to resolution, only to frustration and broken relationships.
It was many years ago that I made the decision as a psychologist not to engage in conflict resolution and mediation with married couples. Quite frankly, it was easier to work with criminals in the Corrective Services system! The level of vitriol and resistance to any kind of compromise was an ever-present blockage to resolving issues. At the time I was charging double per hour the normal counselling rate and it still did not attract me to continue. I realised that for some people the conflict itself was the issue they wished to pursue, not the resolution. Couples would pay thousands and thousands of dollars for lawyers to beat each other up in Court when they could have received exactly the same result in mediation for a fraction of the price. But that is the point; they would have missed out on the battle and the chance to prove the other person was as bad as they believed they were.
This dynamic is a possibility in a wide variety of situations, from interpersonal conflicts to communal conflicts to political conflicts right through to international conflict. When we look at the tragedy of the violence in Gaza we see yet again the situation where different people have different perspectives on the situation; however, the lack of tolerance towards other perspectives results in an absence of empathy and a lack of compassion with the resulting disaster. You may say, “Surely anybody with an ounce of compassion can see that this war is destructive for all the people, regardless of what side they may be on”. To think like that you have to to perceive the possibility that there are different ways in which different people see the conflict; however, if your cause is righteous and true as you see it and the other side is completely evil, it allows you to demonise the other while inflicting whatever harm you need create to get your view across. If that means murdering and kidnapping people across the border, that is what you do. If that means your response is to pulverise the opposition until thousands of people are dead, that is what you do.
Of course, people will say, “This is regrettable”. They may say, “We do everything we can to minimise damage”. These are the dishonest narratives that always occur in war; however, when we search beneath the words of blame and self-justification, the bodies are just as dead. The children are just as traumatised. The long-term effects of the trauma on all sides of the conflict will still be there. The answers to the conflict in Gaza and the West Bank are multifaceted and complex; however, one thing is clear. When people are herded into small ghettos and have restricted access to the basic necessities of life they are left with two main options. One is to become socially depressed and victimised. The other is to find a way to fight back.
When the Jews were herded into the ghetto in Warsaw in World War 11, they fought courageously and suffered great losses. They chose to not become victims and do the best they could in the circumstances before them surrounded by Nazis. Now our Jewish brothers and sisters, who are called upon in Scripture to be a light to the nations, have the opportunity to lead the way in true righteousness. If not they will find themselves on the wrong side of history oppressing a suffering people pushed to their limits. Does that justify what Hamas did? Does that justify the response from the Israeli government? Is any war justified? Were the Jews terrorists who blew up the King David hotel when opposing British occupation killing innocent people? Was the carpet bombing of Dresden by the British a war crime? It is one thing to have intellectual arguments about the justification of war and the ethics involved, it is quite another thing to crawl into the rubble of a building to discover your whole family dead. At this point, intellectual arguments are quite vacuous and the responses of the international community are vastly inadequate.
What is required are people with the courage and moral strength to recognise the complexity of life and its many challenges. People with the moral courage to call murder what it is, to call killing what it is, to call suffering what it is, to call despair what it is, to call oppression what it is and to maintain the value of every person, no matter who they are or where they come from. Only then will we begin to see the hope that is needed to rid ourselves of the notion that we can be free while the other is oppressed.
psychology and hope 